Student Mom – Behind the Scenes

I am linking up with my beautiful friend Crystal Stine today for Behind the Scenes.  A fun link up where we bravely tell you the story about what wasn`t captured in the picture.  You’ll want to be sure to spend some time over HERE to read more great stores.

Also, today marks a very special day in Crystal’s life as she begins a brand new journey over at (in)Courage as their new Editorial and Marketing Manager.  If you have a moment won’t you stop by (in)Courage and leave Crystal a little love and (in)Couragement?

The Photo

I am a #studentmom.  I’ve lived my life by that hashtag since September of this year when I left my job of nine years to pursue the craziest God-sized Dream.  
I can tell you with certainty that I am exactly where God wants me.   Yes its a lot of work, yes there are days that are tear filled and I’ve even experienced the emotions that come along with less than stellar grades (The PoliSci mid-term was so NOT what I was expecting).  It’s funny though in the middle of the roller coaster of emotions and the sometimes weird and fast pace I feel an overwhelming sense of peace.  
What I wasn’t expecting though and what the picture here doesn’t show you is how I have felt like my own words, the ones that bleed here, have dried up.  And the drought has been a bit of its own roller coaster ride.  And with the dryness came the sense that I was losing my tribe, yes you who read here faithfully and encourage me daily with such grace and abandon.  I felt like I haven’t interacted enough, said enough, been a good enough friend.   And that, well that, just broke my heart.  
But then God’s whispered my One Word to me last week and with it came a different peace.  
“Wait,” He said.  And it strikes me odd how waiting is my word because it’s my least favourite thing but I think what He’s teaching me is that WAIT doesn’t mean NEVER, it just mean WAIT.  This morning when I was wondering whether or not I would put words here I came across a journal entry that I wrote on December 2, 2013.  A full month before my One Word nestled deep in my heart.
I am blown away by the goodness of God and how He works in our lives and in our hearts.  So, I share that journal entry here with you all… and ask you for grace as the words that may appear here may be sporadic or they may be plentiful.  And rain or drought it doesn’t matter, WAIT doesn’t mean NEVER… It just means WAIT… 
“Lately it’s as if my words have been dried up, and I think with them went most of my joy.  It’s hard when writing is your cathartic, your healing place, yet, every time you sit down to bleed your soul there is nothing but deafening silence and an accusing cursor daring you to type just one word.
The words are coiled up inside, I can sense them there just below the surface and it’s like wrestling teeth out of a rattlesnake when the time comes to get them out.  Meanwhile this space lies silent as the grave.  Posts that go unwritten,  feelings that can’t quite make it to the light of day. 
The waiting, I think, is perhaps the worst.  The waiting for words and for Him.  And I know He is there.  I know that He has never left me and yet I wonder if He still hears what beats inside of me.  I wonder if He knows just how much this space and these words heal those hurting places.
And in the waiting it feels like my joy lays fallow.  It feels as if I have tilled too much from the earth of plenty, tilled too much that nothing else will grow. I can feel myself curling around doubt and I can hear the whispers of familiar fear.
There is nothing left to do really, but to continue waiting.  I am a writer.  I have been called to write.
So until I have words, until I hear words I wait.
For Him.  I wait.”

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