Silence – The Keeper of Grace

The action of grace in our hearts is secret and silent                                                                                                                – from Tables in the Wilderness by Preston Yancey

 

I have never really gotten on well with silence.  It’s so far removed from who I am.  I thrive on the noise that accompanies my day.  Each interaction, each task full of loud clanging.

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I really wish I wasn’t like that.  I really wish I could see the goodness of grace in the silent, in the secret places.  I am so desperate for peace yet so afraid of what the stillness might bring.

And because it’s always still before the storm I am afraid of what the silence will unearth so I make things busy and noisy and distracting.

As if.  As if I could stop the howling wind with sheer determination.  As if.  Each excuse for not resting in the quiet just delays the inevitable surrender.

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I believe my fear of silence has also silenced my pen.  My words bottle up and then vanish because I can’t be bothered to sit down and invite them to slide silently across my page.

I am so afraid of where stillness might lead that I have not even asked God to show my fear and to help me seek the quiet.

I feel so disconnected from my soul, from those things that I love and feed my soul.  I feel as if I am a wasteland that is drying up.

And it’s not until I realize that there is nothing I can do, nothing I can accomplish that will make this better.  Nothing that will find me seeking silence until I accept that Jesus is the only person who can fill those places in me where fear shouts.

May I stop looking for ways to fill the empty places in me with my own strengths.  May those empty places remain just that, empty until Jesus fills me.


1 Comment

  1. karrileea

    Oh girl… you know i feel you here! It started last year with my summer of silence, but if you have been reading my blog you will know the last couple of months, I have learned to lean in and embrace the quiet… and to find the gifts in the stillness! Honestly – I want to stop writing about it – but I just can’t. It’s so counter-culture to encourage everyone to slow… to still… to not produce – but oh how He has freedom and rest and all kinds of wonderful gifts hidden in the Quiet! (As if I wasn’t hearing clear enough from Him directly, I am reading Emily Freemans’ newest book and oh my… do you have it? I think you need to!) Love you bunches!

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