Serpents and Fear

It was wrapped up in pretty words and a cadence that beat with the momentum of holy.  Two women, standing on stage stringing together sentences with a passion that had my heart stopping and starting in erratic rhythm.  In the middle of encouragement, in the middle of a call to live a life “for such a time as this,” one sentence rang like a church bell, calling my heart to a worship that it has never known. 

“The serpent’s head has been crushed.”

For days, weeks really, I have been feeling restless.  A churning in my spirit that is calling me beyond what I know.  Calling me beyond the comfort of what I am living.  And, for those same weeks I have tried desperately to ignore the way my heart beats when I think about giving everything I have for anything that God wants of me. 
And that sentence, the one about defeat and Who did the defeating was like a full stop for my soul. As if all that has been churning and burning restless in me finally settled to a clear and perfect picture. In one fraction of one obscure moment I finally grasped my purpose.  The only purpose God has for me.

My heart has known this purpose all along.  It knew that I was created for more than my feeble mind could imagine and it waited and He waited for me to finally surrender all that has me running scared and open my eyes to the glory of Him. 

Fear is still a constant companion.  I still find my self curling around its familiar plains, an odd sort of comfort of knowing exactly what to expect and maintaining the status quo of my life.  I live in a vicious circle of renouncing Christ’s death-robbing victory every time my fear becomes my comfort and I doubt the calling that God has placed on my life. 

If the serpent’s head has been crushed, than why don’t I live like that is the case? 

 

The question was like the final blow to a wall of fear.  And from beneath the dusty rubble I caught a glimpse of my curled up form hiding from anything other than what I have known.  I’ve been content living my life within these walls where bravado can make you feel brave. 

Bravado is made up of our insecurities, our anger and our fears.  Bravado only serves one purpose – that of self-preservation.  

Self-preservation becomes the mortar that hold the bricks of our wall in place. Self-preservation creates a room in our hearts that does not allow for light or love. 

Once the walls are built we then shut the door on love and choose as our decor, our fears, our inadequacies and our self-imposed limitations.  We become comfortable in this dreary one room house of fear.  We feel comfortable here because it is what we know so we continue to sit in drab with our feet propped up on our pride and eschew anything that has to do with love and mystery.

My purpose is not about the book that I may someday write, not about the dreams I have to let other women hear my story and how God has redeemed the seemingly un-redeemable. 
My purpose is not about the degree that may end up on my wall or the work I do for the “least of these” or taking a plane ride half way around the world to gather up the poor and brokenhearted. 
My one true calling, my only purpose is to boldly proclaim that I have been chosen by the One who filled the seas.  I have been called by the One who paints a sunset with colors that defy the imagination. I have been made to echo the beauty of His character, His image in all that I do. 
I have been made to live in victory, to declare He gave His life so that I might live.  My one and only purpose in this life is to be willing and available for ANYTHING that He would have me do. 
The serpent’s head has been crushed.  

It’s time I started living like it. 

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