Satisfaction {Why I Don’t Want It}

“I took care of you in the wilderness,
in that dry and thirsty land.
But when you had eaten and were satisfied,
you became proud and forgot me.”  (Hosea 13:5-6 NLT)

I decided a few weeks ago to work my way through the book of Hosea.  I’ve never really been much of a Bible reader, at least not beyond the passages that you memorize in Sunday School.  But this past Summer I was challenged to dust off the Bible and start delving in. 

It’s not that I can’t read it or didn’t want to read it.  I felt like I couldn’t read it.  As if the truths that lay in the pages were meant for someone else, because they couldn’t possibly be meant for me.

And things had been going pretty ‘tickety-boo” up until I cracked the spine of Hosea.  Oh I know the premise of the story.  A prophet who was called by God to marry a prostitute.  Hosea was married to the woman God planned for Him and she kept running away and having children with different men.  God used Hosea’s life story to demonstrate His infallible and steadfast love for His people. No matter how many times Israel turned their backs on God, He was there waiting to take them back.

“Oh, how can I give you up, Israel?
How can I let you go…
My heart is torn within me,
and my compassion overflows.” (Hosea 11:8 NLT)

No matter how many times I tried to hide all that I thought was wrong with me, God waited to rescue me.

And,  as I started, I thought “really God, this is the book that I need to be reading?”

Hosea is a relatively short book,  14 chapters, the longest chapter having 23 verses and the shortest having only 5.  You’d think it would be pretty easy to get through, but boy, oh boy did I struggle. 

I was longing for the moments that I had been experiencing throughout the year, where it felt as if every word, every phrase and sentiment was leaping off the page and straight into my waiting heart. But this read was different.  Slow and arduous.

I felt parched.  Where was that inspiration, where was that verse that was meant just for me? 

Around chapter 3 (the shortest chapter by the way) I wanted to give up.  At that point I was desperate and would’ve opened my Bible to the index to play “eeny, meeny, miny, moe” with the list of books.  Whatever my finger landed on I would read as long as I didn’t have to continue to read Hosea.  But I thought better of that plan when I figured it would be just my luck and I’d land on Leviticus (yes, I know I have to read it eventually).  So I trudged on.  And on.  And on.  And on…

Until Saturday morning and verses 5 & 6 of Chapter 13 did that leaping off the page thing that I was hoping for.   And the conviction settled in and it settled deep.

At first I glanced right by the truth, almost glossed right over it.  So I forced myself to track back and read it again.  And verse 6 drew me up short.

“But when you had eaten and were satisfied,
you became proud and forgot me.” 

My devotional time with Him had become about me.  It had come to the point where my pride in daily spending time with Him became another accomplishment, a notch on the belt of spiritual success. 

No wonder God took me through desert of His word.  No wonder I felt as if I was chewing with a mouth full of cotton when I was trying to grapple with what God was saying to me.  No wonder I was thirsty.

It had stopped being about Him. 

God had filled me, filled me full in the months previous with His word, the living bread of heaven and I ate my fill.  I ate and ate until I was so full.

I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Getting up early, starting the morning off right.  And self-righteousness is slippery slope and before I knew it I was sliding right down the hill.  

God used the book of Hosea to remind me that it is ALL about him.  Even when I feel the fullest.  Even when I feel as if all is right with the world.  Everything is for His intended purpose.  Everything is for His glory.

I wrote these words in the margin of my bible on Saturday “Lord may I never be satisfied – ever!”

That is my prayer.  That I will never be willing to accept that I am full.  That I would continue to hunger and thirst after Him.  That in every moment of my life from the mundane daily chore, to those glorious-filled with wonder -this could only be God- moments I would turn to Him and never forget to utter praise and thanksgiving. That I would continuously be an empty vessel waiting to be full in order that I might be emptied in order to receive all of what God has in store for me.

Lord, may I NEVER be satisfied.

 

 

2 Comments

  1. This is awesome. And right on. Praying for never having satisfaction right along with you, my friend.

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