Remembering – Part 1

Next week is my 1 year “Blogiversary,”  1 year and over 100 posts.  This week I thought I would go back and repost some of my favourites.  The posts that have changed my life and what better place to start  than at the very beginning.

June 6, 2012 was a crossroads for me.  I was coming out of a very dark season.  My faith and relationship with Christ had reached a critical point.  It was either step out and embrace who God made me to be or continue to live under the weight of my own doubts and fears.  

I re-read my first post this morning and was struck by how far I have come and how much God has changed me.   My faith was so shaky, so hesitant and I can tell you that a year later my knees have straightened and I am walking taller.   

Awakenings – Orginally posted June 6, 2012.

There has been an awakening in my life. A light and filtered moment of peace for my soul. A place where I can just – BE. No pretences, no disguises and no lies. A place that allows me to live in freedom – not that of my own choosing, but that of God’s.

 

I start with exploring freedom because it has been this word that has come to mean the most me over the past several months. My previous conceptions of freedom have been anything but – free. I have been hindered by self-imposed limitations and bindings of my own doing.

I have used freedom as a license, as permission to act and behave in a poor and abusing manner – never taking into account other people’s individuality, their value, their worth and their uniqueness. I have granted myself permission to move throughout my day and my interactions with others as if I was the only person in the world.

What an isolating and lonely path I have walked. This path, this freedom of my own choosing, not a path that has been ordained by my Creator. The world would suggest that not only is this behaviour normal it is appropriate – that our self-involved nature gives us the right to choose our encounters and to choose the manner in which we interact.

I can not help but think of the people that my “freedom” has trod upon, those who are my most beloved, most cherished of friends and family. I am certain that they bear the soles of my shoes as tattoos emblazoned upon their backs as I have hurriedly pushed and jostled my way to my own selfish desires. The very thought of how I have hurt those I love the most has brought me time and again to a place of sorrow and regret as once again my inadequacies have inflicted pain. Recognizing our own selfishness is easy; the difficult part is moving through the pain that shame and embarrassments has caused.

What I often struggle with, is remembering that the shackles of my sin have been released, unleashed in such a way that I can move through this world in freedom – not freedom of my own desires but a freedom that allows me to hold my head above the mists of sin and uncertainty that this dark world has to offer. I can move amongst God’s people, His chosen and find ways to use my whole body to serve – to search for and be led to – opportunities for grace.

I have been released to do these things – to engage, commit, love, behold and marvel at every person’s unique contribution to this world. I have been released to forgive and to be forgiven. I have been released into freedom.


2 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Happy Anniversary! This momma bear is proud of you! <3

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