More… God-sized Dreams

I almost didn’t write today.  I read the question over at Holley’s blog – “What do you need more of in your life?”  – and I almost didn’t write.  It’s been a rough couple of days and anxiety has pressed itself close and just the thought of answering that question  left me feeling trapped – so I walked away from computer 4 times today.  Shut it down and walked away.  With the day I’ve had writing about my dreams seemed awkward.

What do I want more of in my life?

I came home from work and slipped into the very ordinary chore of baking bread.  There is something soothing about following a recipe, measuring and mixing – something that just allows my mind to free itself from worry.  It was as I was moving the dough around the bowl that God took me back to what he showed me yesterday.   In the middle of a dark place when mental illness reared its head.  He showed me that despite the bad day He is there.   Not standing off to the side, not hovering above  – no He is there in the middle of it.

It’s naive of me to wish for more bad days, I know.  And really?  When it comes right down to it I’d rather not have them at all.  But yesterday was different for me, yesterday His presence was palpable,  tangible and I felt the lifeline of His love pull me in closer as He weathered the worst of it with me

I don’t necessarily want MORE bad days but I do know that that I want more of that “knowing” of God’s presence.  The peace that passes all understanding, the knowing that even though my legs feel shaky I am standing on a solid rock. 

My dreams don’t die because of a bad day, they just may take a back seat while God works on my heart – and today I’m welcoming the work with open arms.
God-Sized Button

10 Comments

  1. I’m so glad you wrote today! And I pray His love will continue to heal and restore you, just as He’s doing for me. Hugs, Sara

  2. Yes… we all have those days. So proud of you for leaning in… for writing all honest and brave! Love that He is right in the middle of all of our stuff – on good days and on bad! Love you my friend!

  3. Yes! Maybe the hard is what we need to remind us of what we’ve been missing when all is easy.

  4. Look at you sharing your story. for His glory. even when it’s messy and exhausting…friend, may I whisper something to you? HIS story was bruised, bloody and broken. And THIS, right here is living out His story through you, friend. This is glory in the making. One day you’ll look back and see Him through you here, friend.

    so proud of how He shines in you. <3

    • Nikki – oh how you speak to a weary heart today. Thank you friend! And your comment about HIS story being bruised and broken – YES just that today!

  5. Thank you for sharing your heart Tonya. I too want more of the felt presence of God in my life in whatever means He uses to touch my heart.

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