Love and Fear

Fear is something that I struggle with on a daily basis.  There are days when every moment, every thought, every decision and every word is carefully filtered through my fear.  It is exhausting moving through life with fear as your primary motivator.  It is exhausting wondering what people might think of you when you speak.  It is exhausting wondering whether or not your failures will actually devour any hope for your future as it immobilizes you.  There have been mornings when my feet have hit the floor and I am overwhelmed with the notion that perhaps today might be the day that I fall flat on my face.

Over the past several months I have been struck by how little I love myself.  How little I respect who I am and the talents and unique nature that God has given me as His child.   There are days when my purpose seems to be lost in a sea of fear and self-imposed limitations.  There are days when I cannot seem to recall that moment of first love, when God placed my heart in the palm of His hand and breathed into me a new and joyous life.  There are days when I forget that I have been born into love.   In her book A Return to Love Marianne Williamson says this, “Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we have learned here.  The spiritual journey is the relinquishment – or unlearning – of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.”  This is no easy task.  There comes a time when our fear becomes our comfort and the thought of accepting love becomes the precipice from which we are about to fling ourselves.  Instead of taking the path of faith and mystery we choose instead to staunchly hold onto our fear with bravado and pride.

Bravado is a wicked, wicked thing.  Bravado is made up of our insecurities, our anger and our fears.  Bravado only serves one purpose – that of self-preservation.  What is wrong with that, one might ask.  Self-preservation is like an impenetrable wall that creates a room in our hearts that does not allow for light or love.  Once the walls are built we then shut the door on love and choose as our decor, our fears, our inadequacies and our self-imposed limitations.  We become comfortable in this dreary one room house of fear.  We feel comfortable here because it is what we know so we continue to sit in drab with our feet propped up on our pride and eschew anything that has to do with love and mystery.

While self-preservation appears to be our safe house we do not notice the crushing and claustrophobic walls as we continue to hoard our insecurities.  We do not notice the stagnant air that robs us of our breath, our power and our energy. 

Relinquishing fear is a difficult and tricky deconstruction because it means that we can no longer rely on the sticky adhesive of its hold on our life.  Relinquishing our fears requires us to remove our walls, brick by brick and finally step off of the precipice that we have long been avoiding.  Relinquishing our fear means that we finally tumble head long into love.  This love is a return to the softness, the innocence and the light of our existence.  Today is a good day to choose to relinquish your fears and lay them at the feet of your Creator.  Today is a good day to choose the warmth of God’s embrace and the soothing balm of His peace and comfort.  Today is a good day.

1 Comment

  1. “this dreary one room house of fear” Love it !

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