For My Dad

It’s Behind the Scenes Tuesday and I’m linking up with Crystal Stine.  Won’t you join us?

 

We got off to a rocky start, you and me.  You were half way through your 21styear when I slipped into the waiting arms of my mother.  You were young, inexperienced and untested in the realm of fatherhood. 

And as I grew and two more came there was sense of brokenness that invaded the walls of our home.  A silent visitor that packed bags of regret and fear and who moved in for a long term and very unwelcome stay.

And those days beat down red as angry words and lost tempers and broken glass became the orchestra that we learned to hear.  And on that day, that one day it all became too much.  A marriage dissolved and heartache became our new song.

There we were three small children, a father who was unsure and one daughter who longed to dance with her daddy.  And in that time our dance lost its rhythm as fear of the unknown and anger at an unfixable situation became our routine.  Pain had ripped our family apart and pain would keep us from the dance.

Daddy, there would be some who would say that our dance; the waltz of a little girl in her father’s arms was gone forever.  There would be some who would say there are some wounds that cannot be healed, that even love cannot conquer what gets trampled underfoot.  There would be some who would say that relationships cannot heal and that forgiveness is futile. 

There would be some who would say.

But I know better.  I know that when I reach back in the corners of my memories, when I pull back the cobwebs of the past I can see glimpses of when our dance was perfect.

 

The camping trips in the pop-up trailer and birthday bikes every summer.

Teaching 3 kids the finer points of football in the oranges and golds of autumn.

Sitting on the toilet seat and watching bits of you float on top white foam in the sink as you shaved.

Guitars and music and singing “Down by the Bay” until we were hoarse.
 
 And pain has a way of waning with the waxing of time.  Lessening as life and living give us perspective and grace.

And today I wanted you to know.  Dad, I just wanted you to know that I think we’ve found our music.  I think that once again we have found the perfect father/daughter dance. 

It took us a while to get here, to this comfortable space of loving and living and being together.  And can I just whisper dad, that I am so glad.  Just so, so happy that when I look at you now I see the father God meant for me to have. 

No regrets, no shame, no record of wrongs – Just love. 

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Did you hear that Dad?

 

Love never gives up…it endures through every circumstance.

And we have endured and we still love…

 

22 Comments

  1. Oh, how beautiful is this one! I am continually awed at the power of our father/daughter relationships in our lives, and the pain and brokenness that ensues when they aren’t what they should be. You’ve touched the heart of this fatherless daughter today.

  2. Tonya, how hard this must have been for you to write but I thank you. My dad and I have always had a good relationship but my mom and I struggled until I became a mom. I love that God finds a way to mend our brokeness.

    • He does find ways to mend it doesn’t He – My prayer for you is that you will continue to grow in relationshiph with your mom

  3. Oh, boy…tissue time. This is absolutely beautiful. Your words are exactly what I needed to read…I can relate too much to this, and yet, isn’t He so good to redeem broken and turn it into something that can be beautiful? Thank you for sharing, my friend. Be blessed today. 🙂

  4. Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful, Tonya!!! I really have no other words than that… and it’s not easy to render me speechless 😉 Happy Tuesday!!!

  5. Tonya, I’m in tears here. What a beautiful picture of reconciliation and finding your own way to make things works. This is glorious, friend.

  6. Lloyd Rang

    That’s lovely, Cuz.

  7. Oh you have me in tears…beautiful. Simply beautiful.

  8. That is such a beautiful post. I love you and your Dad’s smiles!

    • Thank you Holly – we do have great big smiles on our faces don’t we and if I look closely I see that we have the same smile… Thank you so much for stopping by here.

  9. Beautiful… touching… inspiring… hopeful… so much love!

  10. So, so good. You have such a way with words. I always enjoy reading your posts!

  11. I’m going to need a whole box of Kleenex every time I read your blog! The way you paint pictures with words is just…beautiful! Your memories with your dad when you were younger really made the tears flow the most. I miss my daddy to the moon and back!

    • Eva, thank you so much for stopping by here and saying hello! And sorry about your kleenex supply. So glad these words spoke to you. {hugs}

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