Five Minute Friday – Present

I managed to stay out of Twitter Jail last night when I gathered with this fabulous community.  I love how we connect on Thursday nights waiting for the Friday prompt.  And at 12AM on Friday morning, Twitter experiences a dead calm as over 100 writers stop to write for the sheer joy of seeing words take place.  No backtracking, no over editing or thinking.  Just non-stop writing for 5 minutes.   We all link up over at Lisa-Jo Baker’s where the only rule for this party – the hard and fast, no if, ands or buts -rule is that you have to share some comment love on the blogger that posted just befor you.  Won’t you join us over here for some bravery today.

Present

It was the end of a long day.  The clock ticked minutes by in a mocking fashion.  I was tired.  I was cranky and I needed to go home.

I settled into the hot van in the parking lot.  Waves of summer heat rising off the pavement distorting anything in the distance and it dawned on me what I was going home to.

 

Housework.  Cleaning. Scrubbing. Laundry. Vacuuming.  Blech.

I had just spent the past 4 hours trying to convince seven grumpy adults that there are jobs available in this crappy economy and that if they would just change one thing about their job search paradigm that they too could find success.   I mentioned I TRIED to accomplish this didn’t I?

 

And when I walked through the back door of my house, the dirty dishes glared at me from the counter, I could see the sticky mess on the tile floor where the orange juice from morning breakfast didn’t get wiped up.  My eyes swept over all of this and my breath came out in one heaving sigh.

Blech.

I grabbed the cleaning supplies and decided to tackle the bathroom first. Scrubbing away a ring of a week’s worth of filth. Squirting cleaner into the toilet bowl and tackling THAT mess with the icky toilet brush. 

And all the while my brain was rapid firing all the other things I could be doing, should be doing, want to be doing.

Ann Lamott’s book is daring me from the corner of my desk, to crack its spine and glean from it the wisdom of a seasoned writer.  Tumbleweeds are rolling out of my laptop because a house full of people and the loss of my own space has left little time or energy for stringing two words together let alone 700.

And the frustration fuelled my cleaning for a bit.  I clenched my jaw, scrubbed a little harder until I broke a sweat.  And before I knew it tears dripped into the dirty water that was draining out of the tub. 

I am tired.  Exhausted.

I sat right down on the cool tile floor and leaned my head back on the vanity.  I just let the tears come, because really I needed a moment – this present moment.

There are just some days when being in the present, the moment, is not full of glory or joy. There are just some days when the I-just-need-to-get-one-more-thing-checked-of-my-list is bigger than your ability to stop and find perspective.

So I gave way to the tears yesterday.  I let them fall, knowing that with each one of them healing was happening.  With each one I was being firmly rooted in the moment of allowing His grace to fill and overflow in me.  I let them fall knowing that no matter how crappy the day had been He was present in every moment.

 

22 Comments

  1. Bless your dear heart.

  2. Anonymous

    Many years ago after my first encounter with God I came across a small book, written in the 1600’s by Brother Lawrence. I just looked it up and it is still in print; a simple but beautiful book on the contemplative life in the small things. “Practicing the Presence of God.”
    This is the quote that grabbed my heart when I too was in a place such as this:

    “He was assigned to the monastery kitchen where, amidst the tedious chores of cooking and cleaning at the constant bidding of his superiors, he developed his rule of spirituality and work. In his Maxims, Lawrence writes, “Men invent means and methods of coming at God’s love, they learn rules and set up devices to remind them of that love, and it seems like a world of trouble to bring oneself into the consciousness of God’s presence. Yet it might be so simple. Is it not quicker and easier just to do our common business wholly for the love of him?”

    For Brother Lawrence, “common business,” no matter how mundane or routine, could be a medium of God’s love. The sacredness or worldly status of a task mattered less than motivation behind it. “Nor is it needful that we should have great things to do. . . We can do little things for God; I turn the cake that is frying on the pan for love of him, and that done, if there is nothing else to call me, I prostrate myself in worship before him, who has given me grace to work; afterwards I rise happier than a king. It is enough for me to pick up but a straw from the ground for the love of God.”
    Love you dearly my sweet girl.
    Annon Mom

    • I loved these words mom. I heard Tim Keller do a sermon on the work and God and how we do it all to serve and love God and it began to change my perspective on those things that I thought too mundane… I just love that youo share your heart here Mom… xxx

  3. Some times you just need to let the tears fall and trust that He will catch them. Which He will. Every time. Love this.

  4. Tonya! Right there with you, hon! Been there… many times. “I let them fall, knowing that with each one of them healing was happening.” I am a crier, a sobber, a blubberer. And sometimes we just need to let it out, to let our weakness and frustration flow out of us, so we can make room for His strength and healing! Praying you get some much needed rest soon! Love you, friend!!!

    • Vanessa (It still feels srange calling you that) – I love that thought my frustration flowing out of me so that I be filled with His strength. Thank you for that. Praying for you as you prepare for your holidays.

  5. “With each one I was being firmly rooted in the moment of allowing His grace to fill and overflow in me.” Those tears came falling this morning after an evening of arguing with my husband. I woke this morning needing God. I needed to feel His presence. It was when the silence finally broke between my husband and I and the tears started falling that I felt is grace covering us. Beautiful words Tonya. I feel your heart.

    • Beth… I am so glad (?) that you had your own moment of release with Him and I am praying for continued covering over your marriage and you. {hugs}

  6. I am so glad that you gave yourself permission to not just suck it up – but to let it go! To let the tears fall and the cleansing happen… I pray today is a better day!

    Love this honest take… and your honest heart, my friend!

    • There are days friend… when I wonder “What would I do without Karrilee’s encouragement… I feel every one of your prayers.

      PS Can’t wait for our skype chat tomorrow.

  7. Thanks for being real- knowing that your sisters completely understand this! Thankful that you can sense God’s presence in the midst of the difficult!

  8. Oh, I’m an angry cleaner! But then when the anger, frustration, and hurt are gone, the relief and calm washes over in soothing fashion. It’s amazing how many different ways God can pour his healing peace, a good cry is just one of them. One more week and he will give you an amazing peace! Happy weekend!

    • Andi,

      It is amazing isn’t it that God kows exactly what we need, when we need it. Hope you had a fabulous weekend friend.

  9. Well, having had a houseguest for the past week I can relate to the lack of time and personal space. Sometimes all you need is a good cry. What a great reminder that God is present no matter where we are and what we’re doing.

  10. So I gave way to the tears yesterday. I let them fall, knowing that with each one of them healing was happening. With each one I was being firmly rooted in the moment of allowing His grace to fill and overflow in me. I let them fall knowing that no matter how crappy the day had been He was present in every moment. Loved this, He is present in every moment isn’t He?? Thank you for sharing friend, love you!

  11. Oh yes! So many times the “One more little thing” is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. You are not alone! When we share these hard stories we gain strength in numbers in our own weakness. I love the thought of the healing of the tears and the grace that fills our own emptiness. In such an empty place right now and praying for that grace to fall in every crevice. Beautiful!!

    • Amy, I am praying for you right now friend… that you will feel Him come up and around and surround you with his presence… Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your heart here.

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