Five Minute Friday – Beautiful


 It’s Friday.  Where a group of us gather for the love writing.   One word, 5 minutes and a whole lot of bravery.  Why don’t you join us over at Lisa-Jo Baker’s and have some fun.

This morning I took a long look in the mirror.  The headache I struggled through last night was still there, a hint of if just behind the eyes.  Eyes with bags and dark circles that rivalled Tom Brady’s or any other NFL player for that matter.  No amount of concealer was going to hide that mess.

My face with the creases of blankets marring my complexion, evidence of a rotten and pain addled sleep as I tossed and turned to try and shake off the migraine.  As I stripped off my nightie to slip into the bath I noticed the paunch of my stomach – it seems to have gone from soft and warm to more of a spare tire, a sign of middle age I suppose.

And I put one foot in the tub and then the other I noticed that my legs are not the same ones I admired in my youth, with slender ankles and perfectly shaped calves.  I see spaces where, really, I could stand to lose just a few inches. 

And then you walked through that unlocked door.  After 21years of marriage all pretences of privacy seem to shift into comfortable.  And you held my coffee in your hands like an offering, an offering to a princess. 

And there I sat with all the flubs and flabs floating in water, my hair looking more like the nest of the bird making racket outside our bedroom window.  And yet when I took that cup from your hands I looked up into your eyes and saw that younger version of myself.

I saw how I knew myself back when we were young.  Saw a reflection of the shy and timid love that grew and blossomed as we found our way through the first months of marriage.   I saw the way your eyes would, and still do, find me across a room as if I was the only person alive.

I saw how we would take walks in the darkness and the one time we lay out on blankets in the backyard with fireflies our candles and the stars our nightlights.  I saw the moment you held our first and then our second and the tender way you would cup your hand around their tiny heads.

I saw how, in the night, your hand would reach for mine and you would just squeeze gently – a reminder that you’re never far away.  How your arm would settle just so on the curve of my hip, the promise of a life together, a continuous thrum in our day.

I saw how you would cup your hand around my hurt and just hold it there when I couldn’t seem to hang on any longer.  The offered glass of wine, right out of the blue, when my day seemed bigger than the 24 hours it was.

Yes I may need a bit of support to help the sagging bits of me, stiff fabric, under–wires and control panels.  Yes I may need more concealer and a magic touch with brushes and blush.  I may need to avoid certain clothes that don’t flatter my mom-figure. 

 

But…

In a flash this morning, as your fingers brushed mine when you handed me my mug and your eyes twinkled in that way that is just yours, I saw all of what I had stopped seeing in myself so very long ago.

That I am beautiful. 

 Beautiful.

12 Comments

  1. That is so moving. Thank you for sharing. You are beautiful inside and out!

  2. Oh my stars – This! I love this! Is it not such a GIFT that they can oh so blindly (oh so Christ-like) love us they way they do? We are blessed, my friend… and you ARE Beautiful! (and you were missed!)

  3. Love this and yes you are beautiful very!!! Don’t forget that friend!

  4. Oh friend, this had me in tears. THIS is just so wonderful, and yes – beautiful. You are blessed indeed, and having my own sweet husband who can see past my current state of muddle and mess, I know what a gift that is. I’m not sure I could have said it this well though. Thank you for the reminder of timeless love. Missed you last night. Hope you are on the way to feeling MUCH better today.

  5. Oh. My. Heart! So incredibly moving and beautiful. You are blessed and beautiful, my friend. Inside and out. I adore every word of this.

  6. Oh, that is so sweet and moving.Love this!

  7. Oh you are beautiful my friend! We are blessed aren’t we? I’ve been married for 23 years and I love how my husband still looks at me with those same loving eyes no matter my flaws. Your words have blessed. I hope you are feeling better. Much love.

  8. Oh, my, Tonya…you have captured such a beautiful and love filled moment with your sweet husband…oh the power of love to transform how we see ourselves…I pray your migraine is gone and you are feeling better, my friend 🙂

  9. Why is it so hard to believe that they still find us beautiful? I can believe it of God, but the husband … the human. It’s more of a stretch. Why can’t we just get over ourselves? 🙂 Thanks for sharing! This post is beautiful! ~sharon

  10. Beautiful…what a blessing to be loved so fully despite the many imperfections we see in the mirror…the imperfections that don’t matter to them. (Or to Him.) I love this…one of my favorites today! Blessings, sweet friend!

  11. Your love for each other is so beautiful! And your words are gorgeous!!! Happy weekend, friend!

  12. Oh, this is beautiful. And this love, what gift, Tonya. Thank you for sharing so tenderly what it is to be seen and held by eyes of love.

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