Feed Your Dreams, Starve Your Worries

Six months ago I attended my first life coaching session.  I remember the day vividly.  It was a normal winter day; dull and dreary.  The sky was a dark steel grey and the wind was biting.  I had the day off from work, Happy Fridays we call them – but I was anything but happy.  I remember feeling so angry and restless.  Bitterness was snaking through  my heart leaving a trail of poison at every curve.  I knew that I needed a change, that I could no longer rely on my anger, my discontent, my unrest to fuel my days.  My writing had become circular, every word leading me back to the same worry as the day or week or month previous.  I was so frustrated because I couldn’t seem to find the answers that I was seeking.  Of course, at the time, I never thought to turn to faith, to God and my relationship with Him to find balance and serenity. 
The waters of my soul were murky  and churning and every bit of debris that had settled  into the corners of my heart was now being turned up and swirling with the current of my anger.  My discontent was evident to almost all who I encountered, most of them too polite to point out my toxicity or take me to task for the unconscionable way that I was treating those around me.  Then I walked through the door of the home of my life coach and felt like I was walking into a warm, inviting and soothing hug.  I knew at that moment that God had chosen this person to bring His peace, love and mercy to my life.  I remember throwing my arms around her the moment I saw her and saying “I am such a mess, it is all such a mess.”  There are few times in my life where I can remember feeling such despair – such hopelessness and that was one of them. 
It was the first time I allowed my self to be truly honest about what was happening in my heart.  The first time where I felt invited to lay every thought, every discontent, every anger at the feet of my Creator.  It was as if God had laid a palm over the swirling waters of my soul and whispered “be still.”   Life – renewed, joyous, healed – life began at that moment.  I recall that for most of the session there was not a lot of profundity, just a sense of hope, a small flicker of light that was beginning to kick at the darkness of my soul.  What stands out for me the most that day were the last words my life coach said to me as I was leaving – “feed your dreams, starve your worries”
When they were first spoken to me I didn’t actually give them much credence.  I never fully understood their impact until a week or so later.  One morning I had woken up early, as I am prone to do a lot of mornings and those words – “feed your dreams, starve your worries” were the words that were tumbling over and over in my mind. 
Looking back at that time I knew that I didn’t have the answers that I thought I needed or wanted  but this I did  know – I needed to take action.  I needed to move forward with my eyes on God.  I needed to ask Him to show me the path that I needed to take and to trust His hand in my life.  I also knew that I needed to speak my dreams a loud, I needed to give them a voice and allow them to take their rightful place as markers along my life’s path.  I needed to trust in my relationship with God – trust in the fact that as the Creator of the universe He is also the Creator of my inner-most being.  And, as that Creator he is also the author and life-giver of my dreams.

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